3 different teas
4 different juices
- all organic of course -
couple of books
1 hot-watter bag
warm woolen socks
all doors closed

...i wrote last week about an explicit reduction i want to apply. well, this resolution became rampant over my debauched life too...
total refusal, i'm addicted again. i, of course, need antipodes - heat/cold, love/hate, intoxication/sobriety, blah. in fact, i am a manifest evidence of a silent shout myself, i guess...

therefore no surprise that i closed myself 1 week ago into a self-imposed enclave of sacrifice.
sounds like the typical christian hostility towards the body? well, i'm the wrong person for that in many ways, but still: my only purpose of the past 7 days of fasting was spiritual, not physical. getting symbolically rid of things, concentrating on what's really important, tapping my inner qualities and energies.

...stop the esoteric drivel, miriam. i promised advices, advices you shall get!
- come in, enter, follow me, follow the first suggestions of a dangerous mind.

• take a picture how you leave the world behind you.

• take ten unplanned days. the first five shouldn't be filled with any tasks.

• discharge your body on the first 2 days with raw food only.

• quit any intoxicating acts of course. stop drinking coffee. stop it miriam.

• stop eating on day 3.

• prepare a comfortable place with all things doing good for the next 5 days: blankets, books, diaries, pictures to look at, good music.

• ban as much external influence as possible: cosmetics, tv, phone, computer, radio, newspapers, simply: radically close all communication channels. close the real doors behind you too, because:

• be by yourself as much as you dare. possibly: don't have anyone around you. if, only meet people doing you good, but having no food. convince someone to give you a massage or someone to talk to about those nasty evil damn bloody never ending dreams about those heavenly divine wonderful damn good kettle's. K.E.T.T.L.E. why the fuck only s/p in austria, hm? why not the fancy sophisticated kitchen tastes, HU?!
  let me immediately, and i mean THIS VERY SECOND, bath in my you-have-a-real-problem-within-a-second-if-you-don't-pass-them-over-to-me-weakness!!!

• drink tea. tea. and again: tea. chew each sip. "chewing" a small glass of juice at noon, one for "dinner" will cause you unknown pleasures....

• keep yourself warm. wear your favorite colors only. sleep a lot.

• face what you want to get symbolically rid off. write it down. write it away/delete it from your inner papers. shower once a day, end with a very cold shower. take a brush and scrub until you are warm again, bring all the things you accumulated underneath your skin (emotional and physical) to the outside.

• become aware of your inner deposits. of the power, strength, courage, persistence you have. you can care for yourself. slow down and realize how rich you are.

• suffer. suffer cold feet and hands, suffer the lack of food, suffer wild nightmares, suffer insomnia, suffer drowsiness. suffer the celebration of your daily morning ritual.

• enjoy. enjoy the riddance. enjoy the free and empty time. enjoy your sharpened senses. enjoy how your skin gets soft, how your eyes become clear, your breath goes slow and steady. enjoy fantasizing in heavy proportions. you might even see the light....no more darkness, no more night. no wonder if you're in the middle of a mental ring of fire. called endorphins too, they start rushing in on day 6. enjoy being high on them.

[i just realized that i sound like my fave texan boy during his yoga sessions. oh i do miss him!]

• don't lay around. move as much as possible. 1h of yoga, 1.5h dancing, maybe hiking for 1h or going for a a short run - that's my stint. find your real rhythm.

• do something. have a task for each day. "quality moments" those north americans call it....

my achievements: i sewed. i read 2 good books. i painted. i had a wonderful conversation with my sister. i cooked for bestest friends [and it was delicious of course, by what i smelled!]. i counted my gray hairs. i stopped counting them. [remembering the wonderful one and only J - my intellectual counterpart, my linguistic challenge, a hilarious conversation partner, a person i like dancing, drinking, eating with: jan. now, jan states: gray hairs are sexy. my words.] i cooked the most nerve-racking jam with 5 pounds of collected haws.

• go shopping on day 7 for what you should slowly start eating on day 8: apple puree. smth for a soft soup. a potato. spinach. you won't need salt (me!). you won't need pepper (me!!). you'll be in heaven just by seeing those products.

• make small steps back into the world on the following 2 days. slowly approach food, people, situations, (e)mail that has been written to you.

• realize how you started the process. how you feel now. try to think of the lessons you learnt and what can be part of your every day's life.

• take a picture of you having your first meal. it's gonna be a worship service, i promise. appreciate each meal you have from now on as a gift....

i love first times. first food! i could rave about this spinach. rave, scream, and dance!
[and cry, scream and bemoan the era ending with today.]